Constructing Strong Marriages

Each year we spend 2-4 weekends talking about marriage from God's perspective. It never fails that I receive e-mails and notes and verbal messages in the halls saying, "Thank you." I don't think it has anything to do with me. I see it as evidence that marriages are under attack and being challenged and encouraged from God's Word is desperately needed. I'm not sure what to make of this though - many of the comments are from persons who have come through our Divorce Care ministry.

Here's one: "Pastor Jeff,you delivered a powerful message this morning.I agree that it served many different life situations.Like many others,I just wish I'd been in the "seeking/listening mode" much earlier in my life .The answers and resultant lifestyle direction,which would have prevented so much heartache for so many, were there all along."

Another person said: "I could have saved a lot of money by following God's Word."

Stephanie and I in no way have marriage all figured out. We share the same struggles and difficulties as every other married couple. What we have figured out is that God's Word has everything we need to live the kind of life He intends for us.

Marriage is, I believe, God's number 1 evangelism tool. Marriage is intended to be a picture of the love and grace God has for the Church through Jesus Christ. That's the way I understand Ephesians 5. I find that when I begin to insist on my own rights - my own needs - focusing on ME - that's when things so awry in marriage.

I shared some scriptures that I think some men might have taken one way without applying to themselves. One was Proverbs 21:19 "It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife." (New Living) The same goes for husbands. Who wants to live with a crabby, complaining spouse? Husbands, we can't miss this. We must take the whole counsel of God's Word. For instance, we can't read Ephesians 5:22-23 and quit there. We must read on. One e-mail on Monday reminded me that Ephesians 5 has twice as many words about how a husband is to love his wife than there are about how a wife is to submit to her husband. That fact should not be lost on any husband - or wife!

Here's what I have found: when I meet Stephanie's needs - when I put her first - when I love her as Christ loves her - when I am Jesus to her - then my needs are met. Transformation happens in our marriage when we serve each other rather than insist on our own needs and rights. When we try to control the meeting of our needs we end up destroying instead of building.

Married or not, the principles of loving one another apply to all our relationships. If you're married - pray for and strive for the best marriage God intends. Not married yet - develop the character you want in a spouse. Widowed - may God's richest blessings be yours. Thank you for your model of faithfulness. Divorced - rest assured that God is not through with you yet (that's our theme this summer). God wants to use you even as He brings healing to your heart and life.

Are you in a difficult marriage? I wish I could give blanket advice but I can't. Some of you have tried and prayed and worked but to no avail. Your spouse cares nothing for the marriage. I can't tell you in a blog what to do. I can't tell you it's not time to give up.

Some of you are seeing results and the relationship is growing again. Keep the faith. When two work together it can work.

My prayer for Cornerstone and the whole community in which we live is that we will see a decrease in the divorce rate. That's why we talk about marriage a couple of times a year. It's God's single greatest tool to demonstrate His love and grace.